My Two-cents: 2024 is for the Losers

Why would I want to be posh, taciturn, or suave, when instead I could just be a loser? It seems much more fun (and plausible) to lean into loser tendencies. Here’s why 2024 is the year where cool is out, and loser is in.

It’s so much work to be cool and trendy. It’s so much work to care. As of late, even the “non-caring” trends seem to require more caring. Clean aesthetic requires an expensive, 12-step skincare routine that I no longer have the attention span for. It’s so much work to keep up with the trends these days. I think it’s time we all take a step back to simplicity. Less is more. Less caring. Less trying. Less work. 2023 was the year of “romanticizing your life” and all that shit. 2024 is for un-romanizing the fuck out of your life. Here are some ways I plan to start. 

1. Less upkeep. I am tired of going to appointments. I am tired of buying clothes and following trends. I am tired of the whirlwind of makeup and hair trends on TikTok. I have decided to throw in the towel. I give up.
2. Eating more Little Ceasers Pizza. Mr. Caesar knows what’s up. I don’t need gourmet order-out food. I’m making Little Ceasers my go-to food. Along with that, the McDonald’s app is going to be getting lots of play as well.
3. Never Deleting my Instagram post from Middle School. It should be a federal-level mandate that no one can delete their Instagram photos from middle school. I’m sick of Instagram just being a glorified highlight reel. I think everyone should have to keep up the real good stuff, aka you posing outside your middle school wearing soccer shorts, a basketball camp t-shirt, and the infamous Nike slides. This way, you can always be reminded of your humble beginnings. Let’s see the documentation of your ugly braces phase from freshman year of high school.
4. Stop trying to be taciturn. This one has just never been my cup of tea. If I want to say some goofy shit, I’m just going to say it. Fuck it. Being well-spoken is overrated; I’m going to start just blurting out what’s on my mind. Cool people are coy, coquettish, and mysterious. Losers are unmysterious, open-booked, and long-winding chatty bastards. I want to hang out with the losers here. 
5. Eating lunch at Sam’s Club. If you go on Sunday, it’s free sample day! Get the most bang for your buck. This could probably be considered a loser move. And to that I would say Au contraire, you stupid little fool. This is about the coolest thing one could do. If eating a large spread of new appetizers for free at your local Sam's Club is a loser move, consider me Supreme Leader of the Losers.
6. Being out of the loop. Being up-to-date on what everyone is up to is tiring. And overwhelming. I give up! The fat lady has sung on this one. I’m going to start actively trying to stay out of the loop and the latest fads, crazes, and whatnot. Don’t ask me what’s up when you see me because I probably won’t know.

These are just some of the things I will be doing for the remainder of 2024. With all the time I'll save by being a loser, I'll have much more freedom to indulge in new hobbies. Like puzzles. And all of the NYT Times daily games. Sending the NYT daily games is what the losers are doing nowadays instead of Snapchat streaks. The losers know what's up. Losers don't only save time, they make time for things that matter. Losers rock.