My Two-Cents: Weirder, Funnier, and Sexier

I feel like the internet is junked up to its discombobulation point with Self-Help advice. Recently, I stumbled and found myself on Self-Help Twitter. A scary place to stumble upon, and my own personal hell. So I ran tooth to the wind in the other direction. Advice and mantras are everywhere, but they often seem cliched, shallowed, and inefficient. But none of that has mattered since I’ve adopted a brand new resolution. The goal should always be to become weirder, funnier, and sexier. It's a foolproof method. A one-way ticket to success. By striving for all of these three things, you check all boxes. Let me elaborate on the euphemism, and why it should be yours too. 

Become Weirder. Not picking-your-nose-weirder, but more interesting. Pick up a hobby, read a book, and watch more movies. Be a little idiosyncratic to your best measure. Though we are belligerently basic beyond what we like to admit to ourselves, it doesn’t hurt to try to become a little weirder. Don’t you want to be an interesting barstool chat? Become weirder. 

Become Funnier. This one is the gift that keeps on giving. You could have always said something better, worded it wittier, and phrased it funnier. Humor never dies, it rides shotgun right alongside Father Time. Everyone should have the goal to become a funnier person. And yes, I am well aware that funnier is not a word; I’m choosing to pick a battle with Merium Webster here. How do you become funnier? It’s pretty simple, actually: watch TV and read shit. My aunt once told me – the secret is, you don’t actually have to be a funny person. You just have to watch a lot of movies! Valid advice, and well supporting of the second pillar of my trifecta. 

Become Sexier. This one is self-explanatory. By adding this to your already increasing levels of weirdness and funniness, you’ll set yourself up for, as Borat would say, Great Success. Aspire to be Weirder, Funnier, and Sexier, for the remainder of 2023 and the rest of time.