My Two-Cents: I Failed Third-Grade Swimming Lessons
When I was in Third Grade, I failed swimming lessons. There, I said it! It feels good to finally get that off my chest. It was mostly because I couldn’t tread water for two minutes. That shit was hard and it made me tired, so I would tap out early. Two minutes seemed like an eternity and my heart just wasn’t in it, or so I told my mother who was annoyed that she spent money for me to participate. The only good thing about swimming lessons, in my youthful eyes, was that some of the coaches would bring ice cream at the end of the year. My coach didn’t even bring ice cream though, so my already wasteful experience heightened at the sight of all my friends in the other class chowing down on their blizzards.
Why was treading water so hard? It seemed to suck two-fold against the other lesson requirement – lap swimming. With lap swimming, I could clearly see the end in sight: the goal in mind. However, any direction was voided while treading water. It seemed to me like I was fighting for my life for two minutes. Granted, I am a god-awful swimmer. For visual reference, me swimming underwater is adjacent to a fish swimming out of water. Though once every four years when the summer Olympics come on, I get inspired to buy goggles from Scheels and go to my local pool to turn my sub-par skills around. I think that’s called the Michael Phelps Effect or something. However, my endeavor is usually cut short when a multitude of 70-year-old men at the local wellness center lap me. So I throw my goggles on the ground like an adult and leave. Anyways, back to treading water – I think we “tread water” in various ways not involving the local gym swimming pool. When we’re at a standstill – unsure of what’s coming next, or just waiting for the next big wave. This is in contrast to the lap swimming we do – which is relatively easy. Lap swimming prevails when we aim for specific goals, set dates, and curate timelines. It surpasses treading because it doesn't feel like we’re standing there, tiring out, and waiting. Three of my least favorite things. However, I don’t think you can be a good lap swimmer without learning to tread water – they are two sides of the same coin. And me personally? I’m egregiously bad at both.
Eventually, the two-minute timer will ring, and unless you are a horrid swimmer like me, you will be done treading water and the lap swim will be all the more fun. Eventually, we get to move past shitty standstills and pack onto the path of direction. Or you just pass your swimming lesson class and your mom is super happy that her $150 deposit didn’t go to jack-shit.
