My Two-Cents: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
Liar, Liar, Pants on fire. How dire. Through the wire. You're preaching to the choir. Shall we conspire?
I heard through a friend of a friend that lying is a sin. A sin! But does that mean all lies? I think there are different types of lies. In simplest terms, I think we could create three categories. Black lies (bad!), grey lies (I’ll get to), and white lies (in layman's terms, a “harmless” lie served out of politeness). Personally, I think grey lies are mostly socially acceptable, and they have the potential to add comedic value to the lives of both parties involved.
What is a grey lie? It isn't necessarily completely harmless. It isn’t delivered in a tactful attempt to protect someone's feelings, like a white lie. But it also isn’t delivered with malicious intent, like a black lie. A grey lie is delivered for the plot. The best grey lies, in my opinion, could be described as almost believable yet completely outrageous news headlines you can exclaim to a friend. Here are some examples. They often start with something like...
Oh my God, Did you hear...
Biden gets girl pregnant
Wicked Witch of the West takes down Wicked Witch of the East in a slim New Jersey senate race
Lil Baby announces new country album
BeReal adds new feature called BeFake for when you want to show off to your ex that you're doing better than him
Kanye West rumored to be having affair with Nemo
Majority of Oak trees in Northern California mobilize in attempt to take down Redwoods
Megamind sequel announced with a purple and orange Megamind in attempt to be more color-inclusive
Famous NBA player goes NFL
The Dakotas join forces for new NFL team called the Dakota Bugs
Hydroflask has been recalled for using human bones in products
Minnesota Vikings owner sells entire team to Korean Military in a frustrated rage after a disappointing loss
Scientist breed new domesticated animal: Tabby meets Golden Retriever
Mexican cartel buys Disney World in attempt to get into more family-friendly business endeavors
Dahmer has success: first zombie made in lab
Khloe Kardashian goes bald
Joe Burrow suspended for failed drug test after results show usage of crystal meth
Margot Robbie revealed to be behind the Iran-Contra affair
Next time you're bored, spill one of these grey lies to your roommate and amuse yourself with their reaction. They’re practically harmless.
Acknowledgments: I’d like to give credit to my funny friend Morgan, who came up with a lot of these. Top-notch work, Morgan.
