My Two-Cents: Ringing in 2025
I’ve officially finalized my New Year's Resolutions! I like to wait a couple of weeks after when the year officially begins so I can let my ideas marinate. And to compare and sample ideas with friends. Plus, if I fail any immediately, I can conveniently erase the evidence before the “final” list is revealed. Because real success is more about covering your tracks than mustering up willpower. Now that I’ve had a generous 16 days to swap out my impulsive whims for slightly more strategic whims, behold the grand plan for 2025:
Learn to do a pull-up.
Finally learn how to Dougie -- I want people to see me Dougie and think “Man, I want her to teach me how to Dougie.”
Only buy coffee once a week.
Request the Cupid shuffle when out - I think people believe they hate the Cupid shuffle but after going to the left for the second time they really forget about their worries and just go with the flow.
Keep my Duolingo streak. An owl’s emotional blackmail is surprisingly motivating.
Become weirder, funnier, and sexier. But with a new take — be studious, sexy, and strange.
Finish The Bell Jar.
More vandalism — Write poems in Sharpie on bar bathroom stalls. Count it as community outreach.
Get halfway through the IMDB top 100 movies. The scratch-off poster I bought for this exact cause isn’t going to scratch itself.
More sports betting — It’s not a gambling addiction if I’m good at it.
Read more classics (books) so I can become one of those insufferable pricks who talk about how they read classics.
Growl at slow walkers in public.
Do one trial run podcast.
Scream the intro to Jimmy Crooks at strangers in bars.
Don’t buy any new makeup or skincare until I finish what I have.
Learn 27 new swear words in foreign languages.
Write more letters to future kids — I started this one after watching too much How I Met Your Mother.
Master the sprinkler on the dance floor. Again, I want people to see me and think, “Man, I want her to teach me how to Dougie AND do the sprinkler!”
Wake up at around the same time every day.
Memorize the entire Thor Ragnarök movie so I can play it in my head in case I’m ever taken prisoner of war.
Make friends with an exotic animal.
Drink less.
Learn a new drunk accent.
Don’t lose any more Apple pencils.
Convince someone at the bar I am a wizard.
Get a passport — I was going to say go to Europe, but then I remembered small steps are key.
Happy Fashionably Late New Year’s!
Regards, Hugs, and Coors Light,
Kate
