My-Two Cents: Finding Something to Ignore Your Future Children For
Life is full of directions and possibilities, especially when you are in your 20s -- somewhat of a defining decade. At the nursing home I work at, I sometimes ask the residents what their favorite decade was. A majority of them say their 20s. One of my favorite residents said her 50s – because that was finally when she and her husband moved away from their family and lived at their lake cabin full-time. This was when she finally start doing what she wanted to do. Her reasoning for her 50s was parallel to why most people choose their 20s – it's the age many of us finally realize we hold the power to do what we want. And that we hold the cards to determine what exactly that is.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?” -Marianne Williamson
I first heard this quote from one of my favorite high school teachers, and I think it describes a moment in life we all experience -- the pivotal point where you realize you are capable beyond measure. When you determine the real challenge is finding out what you want to do, not if you can do it. Teachers are pretty wise and often leave us with bits of advice that linger through all of our decades. Another one of my favorite teachers told me her favorite decade was her 20s. She remarked about how during your early 20s you begin to realize the power of your freedom. The freedom to do as you please. To decide your passion as you please. A passion that is yours, inadvertent of what those around you think. Because the truth is they’re not even thinking about you – they’re too busy trying to decide their own passion: a hobby, career, or interest that you’ll be willing to ignore your future kids for.
There’s a lot to sift through and ponder while looking for the thing that will make you want to ignore your children someday. I think mine might be writing random shit on the internet “Shut up children, mother is blogging!” If you’re between a rock and hard place trying to figure it out -- think about what made you weird as a kid. (And if it was picking your nose, it’s probably not that so think a little deeper). The things that made us weird as kids might make us great as adults. Bookworms who were un-vogue now probably have great reading comprehension. The ability to read leads to the ability to write. The ability to write gives us the power to influence. (Another thing a high-school teacher once told me.)
The cool thing about finding our (future-kid-ignoring) passions is we get to share them. Getting older sucks, I now constantly worry about running out of money and getting fat, but the alternative to aging isn’t much better… And the one positive about getting old is you get to experience real things. The people you surround yourself with have also experienced real things. You now get to share them; you get to have deep-end conversations and chew on the numbers. Real experiences make for conversations that are complicated, crunchy, and all the more delicious. Real experiences come from struggle and strife, but they also come from our passions. Which we often find through the former. The things we will one day send our kids to daycare for make us two-dimensional. That’s why it’s so important to seek them out – and to hobbify. Pick up hobbies like candy; try them on like prom dresses. If you stumble upon one you don’t like, drop it like a bad boyfriend. But keep surfing the hobby-to-passion pipeline. Sooner or later, you'll find one that resonates with you – and if you're keen, you'll invest in it. It might be your best dinner-party conversation contribution. Or the reason you drop your kids off at your parents on a Saturday morning.
Sincerely,
Kate
