My Two-Cents: Current Trends
Hey! I’m back from a writing hiatus, and I thought a great way to break the ice would be to go through some trends I think are super in right now – in list format of course. Let’s begin.
- Bagels. I would consider bagels a somewhat timeless piece. However, I think right now bagels are noticeably hot. Driving the bagel campaign is their simple yet diversifiable nature. There is quite literally nothing a bagel can’t do – it can be breakfast food, a sandwich, or a sweet-little-treat. You can smother a bagel in cream cheese and call it a meal or pimp it out with as many toppings and condiments as desired. The bagel is so in right now.
- Idioms. Idioms are piping hot off the press! Your grandma’s favorite burns are back – Who put a quarter in you! If that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black! Hold your horses! When pigs fly! Spice up your colloquialism with some of your favorite funky phrases. Even better, try creating your own idioms. Double the points if they make absolutely no sense and all your friends look at you weird.
- Wordle. Ugh, and I cannot stress this enough, wordle is so fucking in right now. Unless you live under a rock, you should know what the wordle is by now. Want to elevate your Worldle game even more? Try creating a wordle group chat with your friends and sending your daily scores. Further, if you’re feeling super trendy, make-up golf scores to go with your wordle scores. 4 attempts is par. 3 is a birdie. 5 is a bogie. 6 is you suck at the wordle. **If that didn’t make sense to you, go play the wordle a couple of times and you’ll understand my scoring system.
- Cursing. This one is a little more controversial, but sometimes the most contentious trends are the most impenetrable. Cursing is soon to be the next cover of Vogue for Language. A good profanity drop is sure to make people respect you and your opinions more. Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. Bonus points if you combine curse words, or bring back pre-1900s vulgarities – harlot is one of my current favorites. Example usage: Damn you, stupid harlot!
- Bracelet boys. In my opinion, boys can all be grouped into one of two groups – chain guys or bracelet boys. I can’t explain the nature behind what differentiates the two; it's just something that is. You can look at someone and immediately know what they are – and you definitely can not be both. As of right, bracelet boys are totally in.
- Reading. For some reason, it seems like everyone I know suddenly learned how to read this summer. Totally okay with me though, reading is rad. Even radder are book clubs – which is the direction I think this trend will follow. Don’t be surprised if come next fall, book clubs are the hot new social gathering. **Personally, I am hoping these book clubs also coalign with happy hour.
- Hexing your enemies. Just trust me on this one – wishing your enemies well and being the bigger person is so 2021. Here are a couple of links for all the hexing-newbies looking to hop on the trend – https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Black-Magic-Curse-Enemies/dp/0615827454, https://starhawk.org/a-brief-guide-to-hexing/
- Toasts. Making toasts is as in-vogue as they come. It’s the easiest way to turn any social gathering from totally lame to totally fetch. Bonus points if your toast includes multiple insults and calls out your close friends in the presence of people they are trying to impress.
Cheap theaters. Nice movie theaters are so 2010. Dingy, smelly, greasy cinema establishments are the only place I want to go – and you should follow my lead. Paying premium prices for movies in this economy? Hell no. The Cheap Theater revolution has begun. **Plus they sell a variety of beverages appealing to those over 21.
Spicy Mayo. I could survive on this condiment and this condiment alone. Need I say further? If you haven’t purchased a bottle of spicy mayo for your pantry, you are doing yourself a severe disservice.
Cheating. As W.C Fields once said, “A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.” Cheating is back in style.
Shirley temples. After all, the NYT did declare this the drink of the summer. The days of ordering low-calorie piss water are over – it’s time that we all revert back to being children and order this sprite and grenadine mixture created by Jesus Christ himself.
